my take on things pt.1

Life isnt such a bad deal, actually its pretty tight. the only think that sucks, is you have to learn how to take the punches. Ive met so many people over the years, and done so many things. Ive done a good amount of bad and good things, im a crazy person. I used to get to do things most teenagers didnt get to do. Now its so common to see kids in bands, playing, touring, recording. I did that shit when i was 13 years old. I remember when i first learned how to edit video, i was so ahead of my time, now since things like that have caught up to this generation, i feel like i just blend in. Im getting older now, more wiser... i mean, i still make some mistakes, but ive learned how to be a better person. Ive carried through with a few lifelong friends, a handful at the most. Everyone else has just become another passer-by, its sad to see people come and go throughtout your life, but its inevitable, people change.

My days have been confusing, i feel bipolar. I can be having the greatest day, and one little reminder can set me off and i can be in a bad mood, skipping meals, not sleeping, etc... or vice versa, i can be having the worst day ever, and someone or something can totally turn it around. i feel like im counting down the days to my death, jail time? debt? or even worse? i dont know what to expect out of my "near" future, nor do i know where to go for help. Good help costs about $500 up from and $6,000 in the end. fun, right? decent help gets you a week to 30 days in county, plus fines. cooooool. i fucked up. i get it, but im not a bad person, even though most beg to differ.

basically all there is left to do is; sit and wait. loathe, worry, die. its not fair, but what is?